The bus driver on the overnight bus there thought he was a
comedian, but he was only humorous in the awkward sense. He started off the
8:30 pm ride with a boisterous, “How is everyone?” Silence. “What if I make
everyone give me $5? Now how is everyone?” Crickets. “How about I make it $10?”
Finally someone piped up a dry, “We’re all fine,” just to shut him up. “Why are you
speaking for everyone?”
After the 15 minute safety video, he went on to talk for
another 10 minutes about using the toilet on the bus. “If you don’t make sure
the bowl empties, it will back up and pour out on the floor of the bathroom and
spill out into the bus. You don’t want that. Also, guys, please point down when
you use the toilet…you know what I mean…your willie.” If they knew what he
meant, why did he say it?
“I’m going to put on a movie now. If you’ve already seen it,
you don’t have to watch it again. You could read or listen to music or try to
sleep.” I mean, it's a bus, so I would say the options are pretty obvious. At least he didn’t repeat the safety video or the toilet spiel at
every stop throughout the night.
Upon arrival in Melbourne, he proceeded to talk for 15
minutes about what you need to do if you were going on to Sydney via bus or going to
the airport or taking a train or about five other options. “And if Melbourne is
your home, just don’t say anything. You know what to do.”
